If you think you are working for your boss, I'd like to change your mindset. You and your boss are going to get along better if you see your boss's problems as your own. I said in the last section that you have to understand what motivates your boss and how your boss will be judged and rewarded. A good boss will have already made this clear. If you don't know, ask. "I'd like to understand your goals in running this project (or dept or whatever) and where you see the priorities and problems." And make sure you understand what you boss expects of you (a lot more of this later in Evaluations). Try to develop some empathy for the challenges your boss is facing.
Another thing a good boss will do is ask for lots of input before making an important decision, and not just of their peers or the most senior people on the project. And a good boss will encourage people to ask questions during the process to make sure that important information hasn't been overlooked. It would be great if all decisions could be decided by consensus - everyone agreeing on the right plan of action - but this isn't always the case. Sometimes, your boss will have to weigh all the input and then make a decision which isn't popular with everyone. Understand that the time to ask questions and provide input is BEFORE the decision has been made. No one likes to hear 'I told you so', so use every opportunity to make your case during the process, but then support the decision once it is made.
Which brings me to another point: you have to accept the fact that even though you are full of good ideas, not all of them are going to get implemented (or even listened to). Even a good boss is probably juggling a bunch of competing priorities like cost, time, and talent, and you may not have the same perspective. What you feel is a good solution may not work in the larger picture. If you feel there is an important contribution that you can make that isn't being heard, though, try writing down a brief explanation and asking your boss to review it. Do this in a non-confrontational way, like "I have some ideas for improving the efficiency of how we process customer requests", not "Our customer request processing is totally broken and here's how to fix it."
Here's a secret you may not know: your boss may feel as insecure about her position as you do. She may feel under great pressure to perform, may doubt her abilities, and may be concerned about her future with the company. This insecurity can motivate some people to work very hard, or it can cause them to act like jerks. If you do things to ease your boss's insecurity, your boss will appreciate it. If you are constantly criticizing or complaining, it only adds to your boss's woes. Check your own behavior and decide whether you are an asset or a liability in their eyes.
